About
Merlin Burlap: Author, Observer
Greetings, internauts. I am Merlin Burlap. I document the profound and terrifying realities of our modern era. Let my intellect be a beacon in this digital wasteland.
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12th October 2026 - A New Masterpiece Descends
📚 The Binding Stone of Cheveren 📚
My latest triumph, The Binding Stone of Cheveren, has been reluctantly released into the physical realm. The work delves into the profound necessity of bureaucratic friction, far beyond the comprehension of the average reader.
The narrative concerns an entity that feeds on petty grievances and some tedious people try to keep it asleep.
Warden Rose Publishing insist I provide a "hyperlink" for the masses. I care little for your coin, but if you must enrich the corporate behemoths, proceed.
👉 PROCURE HERE 👈
14th September 2026 - A Necessary Compromise
🌹 Warden Rose Publishing 🌹
After decades of the mainstream literary establishment cowering before my towering intellect, I have reluctantly agreed to a contract with Warden Rose Publishing.
They are a peculiarly archaic outfit, seemingly managed out of a damp village hall. However, they share my disdain for modern trivialities and possess an unsettling obsession with procedural bureaucracy and parish ledgers - traits I find highly appropriate for an organisation handling my work.
Expect new physical manifestations of my genius shortly.
8th August 2004 - The Supermarket Laser Threat
👽 The Barcode Scanner Deception 👽
I feel compelled to warn the public about a grave matter. Have you noticed the specific shade of red emitted by the barcode scanners at your local supermarket? It is NO ACCIDENT.
The lasers are engineered to align with human alpha brainwaves. Every time a tin of baked beans is scanned - beep, flash, beep - the laser subtly alters our neuro-chemistry, programming the populace to accept compliance and over-processed carbohydrates.
Next time you purchase provisions, wear polarised sunglasses. Do not let them overwrite your thoughts.
14th March 1999 - Pearls Before Swine
📖 A Comprehensive History... 📖
It brings me great sorrow, yet unsurprising validation of societal decay, to report that my previous opus, A Comprehensive History of the British Standard Whitworth Thread, Vol. 1, is officially out of print.
The publishers cited a "total lack of consumer interest". Fools! It was a 600-page masterpiece that meticulously catalogued the evolution of thread angles and pitch. I spent three years researching the tooling tolerances of the 1930s alone. The modern world has lost its appreciation for proper structural integrity!
If anyone possesses a copy, guard it carefully.
1st October 1997 - Initiation
💾 Hello this is my cyber-log 💾
Welcome to my node on the information superhighway. This is a "hyper-text" document. I have been advised that participating in this "world wide web" is essential for modern communication.
I plan to use this space to broadcast my thoughts weekly, bypassing traditional editorial interference.
